THE KING, UNVEILED

once upon a time,

there was a young man

who was visited by

burger king.

in his room.

while he was sleeping.

no one knows why.

although burger king was

entirely creepy,

with that perma-grin

and plastic face

and ginormous gold chain,

for goodness sake,

the young man was smitten.

He vowed right then and there to

become just like his hero.

and here he is.

our dear friend, eric,

who is finally livin' the dream.

eric's wife, meagan

is one lucky woman.

but wait!

what's this?

am i the first to unveil

the true face

behind the mask?

ta da!

kraft's zesty man!

he's recently, uh, cleaned up certain, um,

areas, hasn't he?

A HOUSING OPTION YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF

we recently spent

a weekend camping in

deception pass state park.

as we drove from anacortes,

we passed a new housing development.

this is a lot map of said housing development.

note the name.

deception shores.

'fraudulent point,'

'betrayal bluffs'

and

'swindler estates'

must have already been taken.

and maybe someone had already used

'deviant vista,'

'subterfuge trails'

and

'cheater's cove.'

did they ever consider

'flim flam farms'

or

'monkey business meadows?'

i got a million of them, folks!

JUST FOR CAROLYN...

ghost mom!

ON MY RADAR...UNFORTUNATELY

hey zesty man.

you are creepy.

this makes me want to run

from anything zesty or italian

or quite frankly,

any kind of kraft salad dressing what-so-ever.

it just ain't workin' for me.

creepiest ad ever.

NIMBUS 2000

oh, look!

the boys have a nimbus 2000,

just like harry potter's broomstick!

i hope they know how to fly this beauty.

--------------------------------------

***please note: this is a clean plunger!

i had just soaked it in bleach overnight.

otherwise, rest assured,

this sucker would not

have met the top of my kitchen table.

scouts honor.***

KENNY LOGGINS...

or more specifically,

how kenny loggins

earned wyatt's

grudging respect.

you may think it's because

of his lush full beard...

or his stylish flipped up denim collar.

but actually, no.

let's consider the genesis of the song footloose, shall we?

perhaps it went something like this:

a footloose movie executive

contacts mr. loggins.

"kenny, we've got this movie, you see,

that needs a song.

a good song.

a really catchy song.

the movie is called footloose,

and surprisingly enough,

it's pretty much about dancing.

go!"

and young kenny,

our dear kenny,

 delivers a smash hit we all know and love.

a hit we tap our toes to.

a hit we sing along to,

even though we have to mumble

through most of the verses,

but we totally rock it

when the chorus kicks in.

and i mean rock it.

and that is why kenny loggins

has earned wyatt's grudging respect.

and in case you aren't convinced

of the one-time sheer genius

of kenny loggins,

try it yourself.

"we've got this movie we're working on.

it's called jujubees in space.

and surprisingly enough,

it's pretty much about jujubees.

in space.

go!"

GEEKERY AT ODDS

wyatt and i have
3 graphic novels between us.

these are mine:

this is his:

let's take a look at our geekery, shall we?

mine:
main characters:
bella swan, a high school girl
edward cullen, a 109-year-old vampire
who sparkles in the sun
jacob black, a young boy turned werewolf

his:
main characters:
bertrand russell, philosopher
ludwig wittgenstein, passionate student of russell's

mine:
total young adult fiction

his:
based on real people and history

mine:
"edward was both irresistible and impenetrable...
he managed to keep his true identity hidden,
 but bella is determined to uncover his dark secret..."

his:
"...russell became obsessed with a promethean goal:
to establish the logical foundation
of all mathematics."

seriously, i cannot figure out
for the life of me
how it is we've managed to stay married
for almost 18 years.
and which one of us is more messed up.
wait. don't answer that.

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM MY BRAIN

beware.

random thoughts from my brain

coming up.

here.

right now.

you might want to look away.

there's a lot of crazy stuff

going on in there.

trust me.

it doesn't shut off.

and i have to listen to it

each and every day.

it's a burden i have to bear.

you do not.

unless you read this blog post.

consider yourself warned.

there's a mystery beeping in our house.

it goes off every 15 minutes.

we lived with it for a week,

trying to sleuth out what it was.

but not sleuthing very hard.

i mean, really.

it's not like we're sherlock or something.

we finally confined it to the garage.

turns out it's a verizon battery

or something not very exciting 

like that.

i realized that i leave a trail of bobby pins

wherever i go.

wyatt pointed it out.

he says he finds them in

the oddest of places.

my current favorite quote:

"weird is a side effect of awesome."

word up, yo.

i'm reevaluating my home.

well, not really,

but sort of.

you see, the sears repair guy

came to fix our washer.

he was here a while.

(and to get this straight,

the house was pretty darn clean,

except for the pile of legos

in the living room and

nerf darts strewn about).

eventually he asked,

do you run a daycare?

like i said,

i'm reevaluating my home.

not really,

but sort of.

it makes me happy to see someone

singing in their car.

maybe it makes me feel

less of a fool.

we still have gingerbread houses

on display in our house.

and it's driving me nuts.

each time i pick up

my entertainment weekly magazine,

i lose a little of my self respect.

if i read it in the bathroom

that feeling reduces a bit.

go figure.

i find facebook a bit creepy.

forgive if i offend.

another quote rattling around up there:

dear "cool people,"

they didn't name a candy after you,

did they?

sincerely, nerds

and another:

when i look in the mirror

i see a unicorn.

a badass unicorn.

i have 79 boards and
 4,505 pins
on pinterest.
to some that seems excessive.
to me that seems awesome.

i'll sign off now.

not my brain.

just my fingers,

typing this post.

keep fresh.

stay rad.

and go carpe the hell
out of this diem.

WERE YOU AWARE...

...that "daddy's farts rock?"

 

 

well now you are.

FUNGUS FANNY

while some discover religious figures in pieces of toast and tortillas, we here in our delightful household discover butts in our produce.

SOME THINGS I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS THOUGHT I'D OVERHEAR IN MY HOUSEHOLD

"these steroids just taste like a strong finger taste."

"if you're going to fight, it has to be to the death."

"no, i don't want you to touch me with your butt finger."

one of these was spoken by my husband. any guesses which one?

PHONE SCAM

our phone rang tonight during dinner.
wyatt checked the caller i.d. to see who it was.
it read, and i kid you not,

phone scam.

that.is.so.awesome.

i mean, let's take the surprise out of a phone scam call.
why not know exactly what you're getting into when you answer, huh?

those scamola folks are marketing geniuses.

MAYBE PEDICURES AREN'T FOR ME

*photo from fitnessmagazine.com*

i love pedicures.
or at least i think i do.
but i recently had one.
and while i was there i started noticing something.
something that happens almost every time i go.
my brain doesn't shut off the whole time.
even though it's supposed to.
because i'm supposed to be relaxed.
and enjoying my massage chair
and soaking feet
and pretty new color.

my inner monologue goes something like this:

i hope i get that nice lady over there.
oh no. it looks like she's going to the girl next to me.
who will i get?
hope it's not the grumpy one.
crap. the grumpy one is heading my way.
really, this will be fine.
but i'm paying cash money for this and i want it to be good.
you have no proof that she does a crappy job.
maybe she just seems crabby but is actually really nice and above all, competent.
it's not like she's gonna come over and slice your toes off or something.
i mean, what's the worst that can happen?

did i pick a good color?
i hope someone says they like my color.
maybe i should have picked red for the 4th of july.
but i really feel like pink.
but the pink is really close to the pink i got last week.
so what. this isn't permanent, lighten up.
ok, i do like this pink? i do. i really do.

dear readers: if you need to take a potty break, now would be the time. because there's more. unfortunately. feel free to skim. and then, feel free to thank the stars above that you do not live inside my brain. and then you may wish to feel a bit sorry for my husband. not too sorry, because i don't share even half of my thought processes with him, but still. i know some of my crazy comes out. i hope i pass it off as quirky.

back to my inner pedicure monologue:

how is she cutting my toes?
don't want an ingrown. ouchie.
watch her like a hawk.
but don't look like you are.
don't look crazy weird like that lady at the end of the row that looks like she thinks the pedicure chick is going to roast her toes over an open fire.

this massage chair is awesome.
well, it was, but it's actually starting to hurt.
that lady over there has a weird look on her face.
who the hell is smoking right outside the front door of this place.
is my pedicure chick rushing because they are so busy?
really, i am enjoying this, right?
yes, you are.
good.

i do love pedicures.
but why? i'm exhausted!

INSTALLMENT #2 OF "OVERHEARD DURING PRESCHOOL CARPOOL"

hudson and one of his buddies are talking.
his other buddy interrupts with...

"guys! guys! i've got something REALLY SPECIAL to tell you!!!"

the boys stop talking to listen.

"my brother made it to world 4 in super mario galaxy two!"

REMEMBER ME?

Contrary to what my last entries might suggest, we have not been sitting around having a snap party for the last month and a half and boon the puppet can only entertain us with his hilarious anecdotes for so long.

i'd like to start off with a random assortment of items taking up valuable brain space. here are my current observations/thoughts/obsessions, in no particular order.

christmas decor has invaded our home. here's a sneak peek.

tell me i'm not the only one who finds it both funny and pathetic that i have chosen to house my makeup in a first aid bag.


my poor hubby. he saw a photo of himself recently and slipped into a state of shock at the realization that he was, indeed, almost 50% gray. apparently, he wasn't tipped off by this fact when hudson drew a picture of our family and used a silver crayon for daddy's hair (mommy on the right, daddy on the left). oh, and for the record, i think he looks wonderfully handsome in silver!


hudson thinks our new christmas "wreef" is beautiful and calls tree garlands "jew-el-ry."


i've been doing a little crocheting. nothing fancy. lots of flowers. a few granny squares. a heart or two. watching a random youtube tutorial now and then. just gettin' my crafty on, you know?


the boys have been creating a ton already this month. one of my favorite drawings is a self-portrait of boon. he focused on using detail. hudson asked why he has those cracks in his eyes. i love the little tuft of hair at the top. boon, by boon. awesome.

and on the back is a portrait of hudson. hudson, by boon.


and i'll leave off today with a little conversation i had with hudson the other day. (a bit of background beforehand: the boys call cheezit crackers 'uncle jamie crackers.' somewhere along the way they were under the impression that uncle jamie just loves cheezits. honestly, i don't even know if uncle jamie has ever had one. regardless, the name has stuck. and that, my friends, is a tidbit to help you find the dare i say delight in the following anecdote).

after driving by a nativity, hudson exclaims:

"mom! i saw baby cheezits!"
"who?"
"baby cheezits! (thinks for a moment) why is he named after uncle jamie crackers?"

MY LIFE RIGHT NOW...

is laundry.

is a head full of cotton and a stuffy nose.

is full of sound effects.

is legos.

is star wars.

is ben 10.

is organizing and purging and seeing little results.

is full of lists with very little crossed off.

is slow.

is fast.

is lonely.

is not lonely enough.

is full of hugs from little arms.

is clean sheets (finally!).

is sweatpants (jeans are in the washer).

is a list of projects a mile long.

is the need for spring cleaning and no desire to do it.

is twilight (always).

is also vampire diaries (awesome!).

is anticipation for season two of trueblood (i notice a theme here).

is lots of scrapbook supplies and very little scrapbooking (i'm working on it).

is full of anticipation for summer (and spring hasn't really arrived yet, well, as far as i'm concerned anyway).

is pretty darn happy.

OVERHEARD TODAY and WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT WESTERN WASHINGTON AND SNOW

OVERHEARD TODAY FROM HUDSON:

"This laser is for getting bad guys and mommies."

And, as he saw a photo of his grandparents given to us for Christmas:
"Oh, cute!"

NOW, ABOUT THAT SNOW:

Snow. We have buckets of it.
Serious snow for practically anywhere, but especially
Western Washington.

Things I've learned about how people in
Western Washington deal with the snow
compared to the rest of the snow experiencing country:

Usually: snow boots
Western WA: rain boots

Usually: snow shovel
Western WA: garden rake

Usually: keep appointments, shop, attend functions, go to work
Western WA: none of the above

Usually: keep driving on the freeway
Western WA: abandon car on freeway and walk

Usually: news reports remind people of driving safely
Western WA: news reports remind people to pull their car
to the side of the freeway before abandoning it

Usually: schools stay open
Western WA: schools shut down

Usually: folks are ready with snow tires, chains, shovels, snow gear, etc.
Western WA: folks panic, run to the store to find that the shelves for
snow tires, chains, shovels, and snow gear are empty and sold out

Good thing it's beautiful and the boys really, really love it! :)

WHY?

WHY do my snowpants have ironing instructions on the tag?


WHY do manufacturers make pants with buttons for anyone under 6 years old?


WHY can't IKEA simply add a handful more of each kind of hardware so we don't run out and have to make a trip way the heck back there for more?


WHY are most holiday form letters so darn full of the bragadilio?