MAYBE PEDICURES AREN'T FOR ME

*photo from fitnessmagazine.com*

i love pedicures.
or at least i think i do.
but i recently had one.
and while i was there i started noticing something.
something that happens almost every time i go.
my brain doesn't shut off the whole time.
even though it's supposed to.
because i'm supposed to be relaxed.
and enjoying my massage chair
and soaking feet
and pretty new color.

my inner monologue goes something like this:

i hope i get that nice lady over there.
oh no. it looks like she's going to the girl next to me.
who will i get?
hope it's not the grumpy one.
crap. the grumpy one is heading my way.
really, this will be fine.
but i'm paying cash money for this and i want it to be good.
you have no proof that she does a crappy job.
maybe she just seems crabby but is actually really nice and above all, competent.
it's not like she's gonna come over and slice your toes off or something.
i mean, what's the worst that can happen?

did i pick a good color?
i hope someone says they like my color.
maybe i should have picked red for the 4th of july.
but i really feel like pink.
but the pink is really close to the pink i got last week.
so what. this isn't permanent, lighten up.
ok, i do like this pink? i do. i really do.

dear readers: if you need to take a potty break, now would be the time. because there's more. unfortunately. feel free to skim. and then, feel free to thank the stars above that you do not live inside my brain. and then you may wish to feel a bit sorry for my husband. not too sorry, because i don't share even half of my thought processes with him, but still. i know some of my crazy comes out. i hope i pass it off as quirky.

back to my inner pedicure monologue:

how is she cutting my toes?
don't want an ingrown. ouchie.
watch her like a hawk.
but don't look like you are.
don't look crazy weird like that lady at the end of the row that looks like she thinks the pedicure chick is going to roast her toes over an open fire.

this massage chair is awesome.
well, it was, but it's actually starting to hurt.
that lady over there has a weird look on her face.
who the hell is smoking right outside the front door of this place.
is my pedicure chick rushing because they are so busy?
really, i am enjoying this, right?
yes, you are.
good.

i do love pedicures.
but why? i'm exhausted!